Annie visits a hospital to find Pete. Doors open by themselves and there are lots of people, wiring and signs, and he tells her something unexpected. By Clare Palmer
The taxi turns into a driveway and stops outside a tall front door.
“Blue door.” Annie knows her colours.
They clamber out and Jane takes Annie’s hand. “We’re going through those doors, up in the lift, and into the ward to see Pete.”
“Ward,” says Annie. “Pete.”
She climbs the steps, but is scared when the door flies open by itself. Inside, there are green walls and a brown floor.
“Come on, Annie, it’s not far.”
Annie feels there is a lump in her chest. It’s getting bigger and heavier. She walks through the doorway.
“Would you like to sit down for a minute, Annie?”
“See Pete,” says Annie. She holds on tightly to Jane’s hand as they walk down the corridor. They stop in front of a shiny grey door.
“Here’s the lift,” Jane says. Just as she raises her hand to press a button the door slides open and two people come out.
There is a big man with a red face, and a woman holding a handkerchief. The man looks at the woman and says something. He sounds cross. Annie wants to tell her about the black marks that run from her eyes down her cheeks.
They get in the lift and Jane presses a button. Annie holds on more tightly as the lift stops and the door opens. She hangs back and they start to close again.
“Oh Annie!” says Jane. “We must get out.”
There’s a man outside, waiting with an empty wheelchair. He puts a large foot between the doors so they bang into it and fly open again.
“Come on, little lady, if you get out we can get in.” He winks at Annie, who likes him, and decides to move after all.
“Annie, it will be your turn. Someday, but not soon. Because you are well now”
“We want Oak Ward,” Jane says. “There it is – it’s straight ahead.” She looks at Annie. “Do you want to hold my hand, or are you OK?” Annie shakes her head, she doesn’t know. She wants to find Pete.
Jane pushes open the door, and they go through. Annie can’t see Pete. There are people in bed, she can see that. Some of them have other people sitting next to them. There are people walking about being busy and people talking to each other. There are machines, and wires, and lots of signs with writing on them. Above her head, she hears Jane saying:
“We are looking for Peter Benson.” The other person must have told her because Jane says: “He’s just over here, Annie.”
And then Annie sees Pete, lying propped up in the bed, very still, with his eyes closed. He looks tired, thin, with deep lines in his face. She runs to him, calls his name. The chair by his bed is too big for her, and Jane helps her into it, but her feet dangle off the floor. Pete opens his eyes, and Annie sees he is happy she is there.
“Hello, Pete!” she says. ”When can we go home?”
His hand moves to cover hers. “We can’t go home, Annie. Not any more.” “Why?”
“Because I’m going away soon,” Pete says. His voice sounds croaky.
“Where?” she says. “Can I come too?” “You will one day,” he says. “But not now.”
“Heaven.” She doesn’t know why she said that. Then she remembers. “Mum.”
“And Dad,” he says. “That’s where they are.”
“Are you going there?” she asks. Pete is quiet. His eyes are shut.
“Are you?” she asks again. He sighs. “Yes, Annie, that’s where I’m going.” “Will you see them?”
He opens his eyes. “Do you think they’ll be pleased to see me?”
“Yes,” says Annie. “When will I come too?”
Jane shifts in her chair. “Annie, don’t you think … ?”
“It’s OK.” Pete says. “Annie, it will be your turn. Someday, but not soon. Because you are well now. Look at me.”
Annie looks. At the tubes hanging down from metal hooks, at the needles stuck into his arm and fastened with tape. And then she points at his face.
“Yellow.”
Pete laughs a little. “You were always good with the colours, Annie. What have you been painting?”
“Pictures for you. Jane’s got them. In her bag.” Jane finds them, and gives them to Annie. “Look, Pete”.
He holds one picture up. Annie points to two pink figures, one small, one bigger. Annie likes pink best.
“Me. And you.” She points to two more, one dark green, the other bright red. “Bad boys. Shouted ‘mong’, and ‘spaz’. You hit them.”
Jane makes a sound, like she’s taking a deep breath.
“It’s years ago, Jane,” Pete says. “We were kids then. I gave them a good thumping and they stayed away. Now she’s got you and the other staff.”
“Look.” Annie shows him the house she has painted. “Home. Can we go back there?”
Pete shakes his head. “You know we can’t, Annie. That’s why I found you the new place.” He rubs his hand over his face.
She puts the pictures on the bedside cabinet. “I like Jane,” she says. “And Bola. And Sue. They look after me.” She holds his hand and sits without saying any more, stroking it now and then. Pete closes his eyes.
A man comes to the side of the bed. He is wearing a white coat and carrying some pieces of paper. He smiles at Annie and Jane.
“Hello, I’m Pete’s doctor. I’ve come to see how he is doing.”
Annie tugs Pete’s hand. “Pete, Pete! Wake up.”
It is hard for him open his eyes, as if they are glued together but, after a few minutes he looks at her.
“Time for you to go, Annie. Need to sleep. You take care now.” His voice sounds strange, fuzzy.
Annie doesn’t say anything. Jane holds out her hand.
“Let’s go, Annie. Say goodbye.”
She pulls herself out of her chair with Jane’s help and blows him a kiss.
“For you, Pete.” Very slowly, he gives her a thumbs-up signal.
Clare Palmer is a family carer in London. She produces film-based training workshops for families and staff who support learning disabled relatives. She writes short stories and is working on a novel
Illustrations by Robin Meader
