Taking a real break
A holiday can be an important part of feeling equal to others, and accepted and valued in society – and offer great opportunities for friendship and fun, says Amanda Topps
People with different abilities have been going on holiday together in adapted lodges at a woodland village in England.
What makes their experience different is that they have got together to support each other to enjoy a fantastic break. have organised and led three of these holidays, thanks to support from UK charity Through the Roof, which works in Britain and internationally with people who have disabilities.
Sarah Jeal told me about her recent experience on the holiday: “I love that we all go as friends and everyone contributes something, making us all equals rather than ‘them and us’.”
She is supported via her local authority to live independently and to fund a personal assistant for a few hours each day. What she discovered on the holiday was a different way of living, which made her feel valued and regarded as an equal.
The person who spent the most time with her on the holiday was a friend, not a paid supporter.
My experience of over 20 years of taking part in holidays for people with disabilities is the equalising factor of spending good-quality time together. Yes, I loved helping people, but I found that, instead of experiencing a ‘do-good’ mentality where I was charitably offering to serve others, I gained far more personally than I had expected.
I found a little piece of heaven on earth – a personal time bank. The start of the wealth I have stored in this bank were the wonderful gifts of humour, grace and generosity that Greta Davies offered me, when I nervously attempted to assist her for the first time on my very first holiday, about 24 years ago. I practically offered her my hands and feet. I stumbled and tripped both physically and metaphorically but, when I landed home exhausted and happy, what I’d learnt was that we all have great gifts to offer each other.
Those on the holidays have given as much to me and more than I had given as a volunteer. I made new friends. I felt accepted. People told me I was good at things. This experience gave me insight into why we all have equal value.
I felt loved, blessed and valued by spending time with Davies. Other people on the holiday built me up and encouraged me to be a better person. I discovered my skills, my abilities and myself for the first time.
Jeal shares: “I think it is good to help each other, whether in a big way or a small way. Apart from helping anyone to do something, it was also good just to talk to and encourage people.”
She, like me, saw the value in doing things differently, and enjoying being human, accepted, loved and valued without the boundaries and infringement of paid professional help.
On arrival at the lodge, the scene is set for everyone to look out for and help each other have a good time together. We work in small groups to make meals, visit places, have fun and take part in activities such as swimming, archery, cycling, tenpin bowling, pottery painting and boating.
Popping into the lodge as a visitor, you may find someone asking someone else if they have their raincoat or swim things or another person offering to carry someone else’s bag on their electric scooter.
One holidaymaker said: “I love to work in a team to make sure a good time is had by all. I can’t do too much on a physical level but verbally I can support people and spiritually and emotionally I enjoy doing this.”
There is a holistic element to this way of holidaying, too. People can get much closer than in a situation where professional care is given. It is not just about practical stuff; there is time to explore personal and spiritual issues and make friends.
Because they are on holiday, everyone is more relaxed. While each person has a holiday plan – a timetable of their chosen activities – I saw people being flexible with their free time so they could support each other and enjoy someone’s company.
It was refreshing to see selflessness, willingness and readiness to put plans aside to help someone. We created a positive, reciprocal environment where equality, humanity and friendship could flourish. Everyone went away wanting to know when the next holiday was. I went away wanting to know how to do this more.
Amanda Topps welcomes enquiries about the holidays. Email: amandatopps@hotmail.com
