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parenting

Making the grown-up visible independence “and luckily she copes well
with Mum too”.
Izzy had moved into a flat with a friend
from her day centre and received
Gill Levy recalls an awkward, imbalanced mother-and-daughter extensive skills training from “my mate
relationship that became more respectful through the power the rehab officer for the blind”. Attending
of self-advocacy the local self-advocacy group was the
highlight of her week.
The next time I met Izzy, she was doing
a full-time gardening course and intended
eading research on the positive services and voluntary organisations, to work at a local stately home.
effects of self-advocacy on explaining briefly what each could We laughed about her visit to my office.
Rindividuals made me think about provide. Mrs Brian was very pleased when “Gill,” she said, “my mother believed that
Izzy and her mother, who I met in the I told her Janet wanted to meet them. children should be seen and not heard.
late 1980s. Unfortunately, she did not notice that I
They were moving to the home counties Who knows best? was no longer a child.”
from “up north” and Mrs Brian wanted The disapproval on Mrs Brian’s face was
information about organisations that obvious when I began to talk about the
might provide support. local self-advocacy group. She carefully explained what
Mrs Brian guided her 27-year-old But Izzy jumped to her feet, firmly
daughter into my office, explaining that placing her hands on her hips, loudly sort of life she hoped to lead.
she was partially sighted and had announcing to me: “You can see why I It was totally different from
learning difficulties. She doubted there need a self-advocacy group.” what her mother had in mind
were services “of any use for people She then carefully explained what sort
like her”. of life she hoped to lead. It was totally
Mrs Brian and I chatted, but Izzy different from what her mother had
remained silent despite all my efforts to in mind. “You see,” she went on. “I was one of
include her in the conversation. Janet invited mother and daughter to those kids that my teachers described as
Just as I was despairing of Izzy ever tea and gave them lots of useful advice, ‘M&S’ – mothered and smothered. Mum
talking, Mrs Brian announced that she and put them in contact with the local and I get on really well now. We have
would discuss things with me and then authority team for the visually impaired. learned a lot. It is different now I can
she would tell Izzy when it was her “turn A few years later, I met Izzy at a speak for myself.” n
to talk”. I felt shocked but Mrs Brian told conference. She looked well and ● All names have been changed
me that she had agreed this with sounded cheerful although her hearing
her daughter. had deteriorated. Gill Levy worked with blind and partially
Helped by Janet, a blind friend who She was delighted to have a social sighted children and adults with learning
lived in the village, I had listed local worker who understood her need for difficulties for 25 years

more to be truly understood or maybe has in their life, and this should not be I recognise that a lot of people who will
they believe they can never contribute. different for anyone. be reading this will totally disagree and
But all these sons and daughters have I believe a good test here is the mirror others will have questions. The main thing
rights too, don’t they? If we deny a person test. If someone’s life is very different to remember is that labels can be very
their rights, are we saying they are less of from mine, I ask: is that through an powerful when applied to someone, have
a person, less deserving, less needing or informed choice they have made or has a tendency to stick and can often lead to
just less than the rest of us? someone else made that choice for them? dire consequences.
Everyone can make a choice. My son
Our rights, your rights indicates his preference for one thing over New words
I have always believed our human rights are another; he lets me know when he Whether it’s about the people who are
part of what define us and play an integral doesn’t like something. He also makes it being supported or those who are
part in what makes us human in the society very clear when he really likes a person. advocating on their behalf, wouldn’t it
and the world we live in. Generally, we Its only when we are allowed to have be so much more productive if the
don’t pay much attention to our rights even experiences that we are then able to language changed from “troublesome
though we all enjoy them every single day. make a choice. and challenging” to “passionate, invested
When I took on my role with Values Into and engaged”. Gosh, that might even
Action Scotland in 2014 as quality and be productive…
development manager, I became aware of If someone’s life is very I guess that’s what makes me the
the Reach standards. different from mine, I ask: is troublesome parent I have become today. n
I realised that these basic standards
underpin the very rights we all take for that through their own choice Liz Callaghan is a mum, granny, evaluation
granted on a daily basis without even or has someone made that and quality consultant with Values Into
thinking about them. They offer basic Action Scotland, community broker with
good life indicators that scrutinise the choice for them? Self Directed Support, fitness geek, and
level of choice and control an individual wine and gin lover

www.cl-initiatives.co.uk Community Living Vol 34 No 2 | Winter 2021 21