Page 25 - Community Living Magazine 31 - 1

BOOK REVIEW

adults or as free as other people to make
their own choices regarding their What happens when life
intimate relationships. People with
learning disabilities need a clearer doesn’t deliver quite what
understanding of their rights to know
when they are being unfairly restricted. you were expecting?
It was clear that supporting intimate
relationships was challenging for staff,
and also that there was good practice. the Label: a story for families first day her son walked, his first word,
They often face difficult dilemmas, By Caroline White the day he started school, the day he
balancing providing support and Illustrations by Sandra Isaksson learned to ride a bike... in fact, all the
protection to individuals in relationships Ivy Press Ltd 2017 usual milestones in a child’s early life.
without being overly protective. £6.99 Proceeds to Mencap
Staff training needs to be improved, Reflecting on those early years she
which includes considering issues such as his beautifully illustrated and realises how he had filled her life with a
contraception, capacity regarding sex, Twritten little book captures in a richness she had never imagined
and supporting individuals who have few pages a mother’s journey – from possible. She addresses him in the
experienced abuse in starting despair to joy – of having a son with book: “You taught me so much and
new relationships. Down’s syndrome. changed the way I looked at
everything, You were the son I had
FURTHER READING In the opening page the author always dreamed of and instead of
Bates, C., Terry, L. writes: “Here you were, my brand dreading the future I was now
and Popple, K. (2017) new, longed-for baby – and I didn’t excited by it”.
Supporting people with learning want you.”
disabilities to make and maintain UNIQUE LIFE
intimate relationships, But next she asks: “How was it The book without a label – that was
Tizard Learning Disability Review, possible to love the one she had been
Vol. 22, 1 pp. 16 – 23. something so looking for. It told of
Bates, C., Terry, L. and Popple, K. (2016) deeply, with so a unique life they had
Partner selection for people with much longing, shaped together, not
intellectual disabilities, but at the same the path they had been
Journal of Applied Research in time not want it?” told they would follow.
Intellectual Disabilities. (Early View).
She struggles to Her book describes
Dr Claire Bates is an Honorary come to terms the conflicting
Research Associate at The Tizard Centre, with her feelings – feelings mothers who
University of Kent. that the child she give birth to a disabled
had borne would child experience –

KEY MESSAGES never fulfil all that mixture of love,
her expectations.
guilt and self-loathing
l Many people aspire to greater A doctor had – and gives them
independence in their lives, pronounced and he hope for the future.
but independence has different had been labelled.
meanings for different people. Caroline White
One day a parcel writes from her
l Strong networks of social support arrives and before own experience.
help people live as independently she can open it its Her eldest son Seb was unexpectedly
as they wish to. label flutters away in the breeze. diagnosed with Down’s syndrome
l Closure of specialist services has The parcel contains a book and she 24 hours after his birth.
meant some people with learning feels that at last this would give her Iniitally devastated by the news
disabilities have lost contact all the answers she needs. But all the she began to realise her view of
with friends. book’s pages are blank. Confused and Down’s syndrome was outdated and
upset, she puts it away with all the made it her mission to try to change
l Managing PAs can be challenging others detailing the problems she will attitudes that still surround
for people with learning encounter as her son grows up. the condition.
disabilities; training and support is
needed to help people take on an MILESTONES In 2012 Seb made history as the first
employer role. Years later when her son had become child in the UK with Down’s syndrome
l Relationships with PAs can be independent, had a job and a partner to feature in a major high street
an important source of social and was leaving home, she retrieves retailer’s TV ad when he starred in
support; however, a high turnover the book and dusts it down, but now it Marks & Spencer’s Christmas
of PAs meant this was not always is dog-eared and full of cuttings. TV campaign.
the case. They tell a very different story: the Elinor Harbridge

www.cl-initiatives.co.uk Community Living Vol 31 No 1 | Autumn 2017 23