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letters
Letters

Write to Community Living at simonj@jarr.demon.co.uk. Note: all letters may be edited
Being disregarded tells people they are
not valued Meader’s view
I wonder how many of you have ever felt
excluded in the playground, within your
family, at work or at a party?
My daughter Rachel was excited for her
review and had bought a tin of biscuits for
everyone to share. I watched as everyone
was offered a cup of tea … except Rachel.
Rachel’s eyes darted to invitations for tea
that excluded her. We sat down and, just
as the first person spoke, I interrupted and
asked: “Excuse me. Would it be possible
for Rachel to be offered a cup of tea?”
No one had noticed that Rachel was the
only person who had not been offered a
cup of tea or coffee. I wonder how my
daughter and other vulnerable people feel,
having incidents like this happen to them
many times a day, every day of their lives?
I am sharing this story because such
incidents have happened to Rachel
throughout her life. I can only imagine
that being excluded makes her feel of no they have no control or power – and they Yet up and down the country, staff are
value to herself and society. What have no other way to let you know how being told you should never befriend
unspoken messages are transferred to a this makes them feel. someone in your care, never give the
person who is continually ignored and This simple incident has left me feeling person a hug, never share personal
disregarded? Imagine being the only both scarred and scared. Scarred because information about yourself and never ever
person in the room excluded by people it is yet another incident of well-meaning invite the person to your home.
who are being paid to support you. Who people ignoring Rachel, in addition to the The result of this policy in extreme cases
is really seeing and valuing the person for many similar incidents over many years seems to be that a few staff come to regard
whom they are working? involving staff, family and society. My some people they support as an enemy to
We have to ask: how does someone mission was to ensure Rachel was be challenged and controlled at all times.
with a learning disability and autism retain included, involved and valued so she We need to get back to the positive
confidence, self-esteem and self-respect could lead a productive and fun life. Sadly, view of relationships espoused by wise
while continually being excluded and I am failing. This has left me feeling very pioneers like Rudolf Steiner, Jean Vanier
marginalised throughout their lives? depressed and disheartened for her future. and John O’Brien. Friendship and life
When “challenging behaviour” occurs, I feel scared because who will speak up sharing are safeguards against abuse, not
professionals write their recommendations for Rachel when I die? I will only be able risk factors as policy seems to view them.
and reports; I would suggest that it is the to die in peace if I know that my daughter Paul Williams
conditions our children are living in that is truly valued by the people around her. Trowbridge, Wiltshire
are challenging – conditions over which Finally, when are organisations going to
put their values into practice in everything Lots to read
they do? At the review when the incident We’re all absolutely delighted with the
Know your rights under occurred, four senior managers from her book reviews and the Belong manifesto
community care law: seminar service (principal social worker, manager of article in the latest issue of Community
residential services, operational manager Living (spring issue, pages 29 and 25).
Community Living magazine plans to and supported living manager), a London They are both brilliantly written, and it’s
run further legal seminars led by Borough of Barnet social worker, two fantastic to see references to Beyond Words
Belinda Schwehr LLM this autumn in advocates and mum were present. When alongside so much interesting content –
London and Manchester. are all organisations going to truly value the micro-brewery piece was fascinating.
the people they are employed to serve? Hannah Pimble
Contact rosecli@btinternet.com if you Linda Edwards MBE Publishing and communications manager,
are interested. Adverts will go out by Barnet, Greater London Beyond Words, London WC2
email, EQ newsletter, Facebook and
the website. See people as friends to curtail abuse Pride – and happy ducks
There will be I believe one simple instruction could be Thank you for the article about Amy’s
discounts for given to staff that would prevent horrors duck food table (spring issue, page 21).
early bird tickets like those at Winterbourne View and It made me feel proud.
and subscribers. Whorlton Hall: treat each person you Bob Barnham (Amy’s dad)
support as your friend. Alresford, Hampshire

6 Vol 32 No 4 | Summer 2019 Community Living www.cl-initiatives.co.uk